I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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