also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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