Got a toothbrush?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
