I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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