so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
