There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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