someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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