I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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