I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
