im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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