woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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