I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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