I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
