Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Houston, we have a blender
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
