Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize