$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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