Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
