he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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