Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I AM VODKA MAN
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
