Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
