fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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