If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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