I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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