well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
