Sponge bath it is.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
