Everything about him screamed your future.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
