Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I looked at my own cervix.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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