Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just google imaged poop.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
