It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
