i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
