He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Drunk is not a location!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
