he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
