At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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