thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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