I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
