How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
