I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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