I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
