i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
