just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
