PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
