If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
