I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
