so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
