I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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