went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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