We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
