i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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