That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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