I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
