Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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