You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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