if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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