I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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