I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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