i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
