i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
