just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
