Pappa wants mamma naked
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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