in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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