So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
