college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
