Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
