Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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